Day 19 of 40 Days of Love “You’re So Vain”

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I’ll never forget the first time I (Clare) sat through 9 innings of a baseball game. Scott was pitching about 110 mph (that’s the way I saw it). I was in love, so nine innings wasn’t too long. The years have gone on and 2 baseball playing sons later, I estimate having sat through about 1.8 trillion innings (or maybe that’s the bailout number). Anyway, it’s been a lot of innings. I came from a family interested in music, art and theater, not baseball. I had some shifting to do in a marriage to a competitive, live life fully — in the body — athletic type.

I (Scott) was a bit surprised when Clare wanted to go to an Art museum … on our HONEYMOON! She couldn’t wait to see the Henry Moore reclining figures. Henry who? And why would I want to see HIM reclining? Even today Clare is getting psyched to go to the Salvador Dali museum on the last day of our vacation. Isn’t Orlando Magic playing somewhere? Only kidding. Josiah and I had a day at the parks doing coasters and Clare… she took dramamine, screamed, shook and rode them with us!

The truth is our marriage was the collision of two histories. It will be 30 years this October that we met and started colliding. One thing we have discovered about relationships that go the distance (friendships, family relationships and marriage) is that they are not self seeking. It’s amazing what can happen in relationships that start to seek the other’s highest joy… you begin to find joy in the other’s world.

Sometimes we give in to another’s world with the hope that it will pay off for us. That kind of giving is still self seeking. It may be the place we start a relationship, but it will never satisfy and create longevity. When both giving and receiving are done from a place of gratitude… love and joy are found! It is as much fun to give as it is to receive.

How much of your giving to another is based on what you might receive? When we start giving from a place of detachment, not expecting something in return, we have begun to experience 1st Corinthians 13 love that is not self seeking. If your motivations to give to a friend, spouse or even God still have receiving as the motivating force, don’t stop giving but be aware that there is still some work to do in your loving. We can’t stop giving, waiting until our motivations are pure… keep it up… add gratitude to your giving and watch self seeking fade.

Think about it:
What have you given recently? To whom did you give it?
What is most difficult for you to give? What is easiest for you to give?
Take time to look at what motivates your giving. Turn from that and turn toward gratitude.
Give into someone’s life this week.

Seeking to love,